Sagakure (sagakure) wrote,

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Alive!! (No, really! XD; And hopefully back for good this time... ♥)

Hey everybody! Look what an unexpected creature the cat dragged in! XD;

I'm alive, and hopefully if nothing sudden happens I should be back to fandom finally (sort of). :D

This post might be a bit chaotic since I don't have a lot of time so I can't take too long or really proof-read it, so sorry if it's rambly and in an at-times odd English. ^^;

I'm horrifically sorry for how long I've been silent. This wasn't some uncaring move or some dropping out by laziness or anything. ^^;; Trust me when I say I feel so guilty for how long I've disappeared from fandom, and how terribly I've missed VK and you all. ^^; *always remembering our fangirling together happily, and missing it so much*

It has been a very odd year, and life has the knack for making you too busy to even think sometimes. Between work and private life sometimes there's no more time for anything, no matter how much you may love fandom. ^^;

I didn't foresee I'd get so much busier so suddenly, but by the time it happened I meant to find time and properly make a post explaining, or keep making little news posts etc., but in the end, I keep scrabbling for moments to write such a post and time kept flying by without a free moment. It also happened that I kept hoping I'd have time to scanlate but there was never enough time, and I felt guilty to show up without having scans to share with you all.
Perhaps it was foolish but a part of me feared that you'd all be disappointed if I simply returned but didn't have time to scanlate, so rather than make a hiatus post and retire as I should have done, I kept feeding my own hope of finding time to scanlate sometime and/or make a proper return with more regular info posts at least.

To give you an idea of how bad it was, I actually haven't gotten to even read VK since last year, up until this month. And when you know how much I love VK and used to be always trying to get the magazine early, that's pretty extreme. ^^;;

I was still buying LaLa, but because I didn't have time to properly set aside a moment to read the chapter and then have all the moe from it, I didn't read it. If I had it would have been reading it in a hurry without time to properly savor it, and also being unable to share the fangirling with you all anyway due to lack of time, so I preferred to wait until I had time to properly enjoy and fangirl it and all... but then time kept flying by. ^^;;
As of now I haven't yet read all the chapters I've missed! I just started catching up but have also so much fandom catching up to do as well... (SO MANY wonderful fanfics I've missed, so many beautiful fanarts etc.!!) I want to see and read so many things as well, so I'll have to go bit by bit with it all. ^^;)

So please don't spoil me much for recent manga stuff, unless it's to tell me that unexpectedly the series took a 180 degrees turn and Kaname and Zero have slept together and/or became a couple. XD *LOL*
In which case I would be the happiest fangirl in history, but I doubt it's going to happen, no matter my amount of wishful hoping & denial. XD *lol*

(I did however peek through and gush in utter fangirling at the recent blood-drinking scene!!♥ Not only it was extremely hot and intensely fangirlable in itself but also because, on the tree... that was Kaname's wolf form, meaning Zero has Kaname inside his heart, hohohohohoho~~~ *perverted laughter* (Yes, it's because of the blood he drank, but... but...
*FANGIRLY EXPLOSION OF JOY ANYWAY, DANCES AROUND HAPPILY* <-- This reaction was inevitable. *lol* XDDDD *couldn't help but see the whole world through a pink cloud of yaoi happiness due to that lovely detail, especially in an already super hot scene* XD XD XD ♥)
I so hope there are other things in the chapters I didn't read yet, with Z & K fanservice of some sort! X3 (It was disheartening that there was no interaction between those two in such a huge while... ;-; *clings to beloved OTP, mourns the lack of fanservice* So hopefully there has either been some or will be some in the future! :D At least some sort of fanservice and/or interaction.♥)

But back to the serious talk, this lack of time is in essence nothing recent. As you may have noticed even in the several months or more that preceded my disappearance, I was posting less and less, here and anywhere in fandom as a whole.
I didn't have much time anymore for fanarting or fanficcing, which are the things I enjoy the most in fandom, and so all the time I could find for VK was used up in scanlating and making the informational posts. I dearly missed the period when I had time to just be around cheerfully fangirling ZxK or VK in general and posting random little fanarts and updating my fic series etc.
It had become more of a "thing I must do by obligation" than a thing for which I get to fully enjoy like the things I like most in fandom. Nevertheless, I felt I had to continue since I felt some sort of duty in making the info posts scanlating etc.

You remember it if you were around the VK fandom some years ago when I took up scanlating VK. I did it because the group doing it had stopped and there was no source for reliable and regular scanlations.
For a long time, there was no other way other than scanlating it so it became a sort of a feeling of duty to keep the fandom updated with the latest chapter, both out of a sense of duty since I had taken on that (it's like a promise, once you start doing something, you can't go back and disappoint the people relying on that), and also out of a huge feeling of joy I'd get when we'd all get to share the new chapter and fangirl the characters and the story together.
Only very recently did more scanlation groups start trying their hand at VK as well. For the longest time before, there wasn't a way to fangirl the chapter right away together with the other fans, other than, well, providing the chapter by scanning it etc. so everybody could read it too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it was a burden, I was always happy that we could share it together and that by scanlating I could make the Western fandom able to enjoy VK right away after the magazine release and as reliably as possible, instead of having to wait until the book came out and not having all the notes etc. to get the extra details that would be lost otherwise.
The fangirling and theories and all sorts of random ramblings etc. were of course also so much fun to share with everybody, regardless of how random and how unrelated to the 'proper canon' it may be at times. XD *probably burned off the eyes of so many poor innocent readers with all the hyper Zero x Kaname fangirling. XD;;;

But the scanning etc. was very time consuming, and with what little time I had it became more and more the only thing I could do for the fandom since there wasn't any time left for me to do the things I enjoyed the most, the fanfiction and fanarts and even just the random bouts of fangirling and talking about the characters as often as I used to. At least I'd get to read your comments fangirling them too, even if I couldn't always reply to everyone.♥
It's something I've always treasured and wished I could reply to each of them also.

I didn't get to read all of the comments in recent posts but I want to set time aside for that and go through them sometime, when I can catch up with it all. Similarly, I'm so sorry if you've e-mailed or PMed me and waited for a reply that never came. My fandom inbox has pretty much exploded a long time ago. ^^;;;; I've been wanting to go through it since months and months, but as of the last time I checked there were several thousand mails in there. ^^; (I'm not joking with the number or anything. Some of those are comment notifications and FFnet notifications etc., but still, there were a LOT of mails. I'm not complaining, I feel so touched that you were all contacting me, and I'm so sorry that I didn't get to respond. I didn't get to read all yet but I want to, when I can. )

Over the past year, I've missed VK so badly, and missed you all so much. ;__;

I kept thinking "I'll find some time later, when I'm less busy, and then I'll be able to make a proper return and have everything back to the usual."

But as I kept thinking that, I realized that the time would just keep slipping between my fingers and I'd never find time to return if I kept waiting. Years might pass by instead of months and then it would simply be a fond and lost memory. ;_;

I didn't want it to end that way. I love this fandom, and I love you all.

So I come to you now, both to return to VK and to apologize for my disappearance, to all of you lovely people who waited, who sent messages/mails/comments/PMs, who worried... I'm so truly sorry, it was so foolish of me to not have made a hiatus post or something. I really kept hoping I'd just return soon, but time... time really screws things up when you're busy and hoping to make a proper return. ^^;;;

As a result, this is a bit of a screwed up/partial return, in a way. I hope you won't hate me for it, but I definitely don't have the time to scanlate anymore, at least as of now. ^^;;

Although I'll gladly post all the news of VK goodies released and VK anything happening in Japan. (And I'll be so happy to have time to fangirl anything VK with you all again whenever possible!♥)
At least, I'll post the news whenever I have time to, which hopefully will be regularly.
And of course, I'll still scan the rare stuff and things that otherwise rarely ever make their way outside of Japan, as I've done in the past, but I probably won't return to the monthly chapter scanlating, regrettably. ^^;; So sorry. <(_ _)> *apologetic bowing smilie*

Rather than waiting forever and never returning, I've decided to prioritize the things that have always mattered the most for what is in my opinion the heart of fandom experience, to return to let you all know I'm alive, to enjoy fandom activities together, fanarts, fanfics, fangirling the series and its characters and so on. ♥

Fandom, I deeply believe, is about the feeling of community and enjoying something together, that hand-in-hand having fun together drawing and writing and posting and talking, fangirling all together.♥

And btw, I haven't returned entirely empty handed. ヽ(* ̄▽ ̄*)

I've had a longer work project that was completed recently and that left me with finally a little bit more of free time since quite a while (for now at least), and so I put that time into two things, 1) realizing that it was long overdue for me to return (which resulted in this post here), and 2) secondly...

...A VK fan game I started making! :D :D :D

It's still only in the beginning though, so all I have to show you is a preview thingie with some random text in it, and I don't even know for sure how the final thing will be, but hopefully it will be enjoyable once it's finally done! :D♥

Here are some screencaps to give you a general idea of what it will feel/look like. :D (It's nowhere anywhere near to being able to beta play yet though, I've only just started the programming and drawing all the stuff for it. ^^;)

Zero route:

Kaname route:

I'm of course tempted to just make it a yaoi game in which the good ending is Zero x Kaname (I'm so predictable when it comes to those two XD *lol*), but I want as many people as possible to enjoy it so that it will hopefully be a fun thing for the fandom in general, so I'm not sure yet what the actual final content will be.

The current idea I'm going with is that you play as Yuuki, or as yourself (I've programmed it so that you can input your own name or whatever name you want to play with, like the official game is), and you get the chance to try and pursue a romantic relationship with either of the two main guys. (Sorry, not all the male characters since that would take ages to make. ^^; It will be limited to the pairings within the main trio, although there might be a few extra thingies with other pairings as a little bonus without much into them.)
So hopefully it will be enjoyable whether you're a yaoi fan too or whether you like only one of the pairings with the main trio. :D The way I have it planned right now you'll be able to get either Zero or Kaname... or to try and push them into each other's arms instead. XD (Well, if anyone can do such a thing, it would be Yuuki who could! XD *lol*)

In an ideal world and if the game turns out to be short I might be able to release it still sometime this year! But this is only in case it turns out that way. ^^; Sadly, that's largely improbable.
Despite the current larger free time for a bit, things are still busy and another time consuming project will start sometime soon also, so the more probable likelihood is that the fan game will only be released sometime next year if all goes well.

It's extra-complicated because while I have worked with publishing/translating and artwork for a long time, I have no experience whatsoever with programming. I've tried my hand at it a bit before, but I'm still very much at the beginner stage of programming. And this isn't flash either, it's an actual game engine requiring programming. But if all goes well the final result should be nice! :D
So for this game, I'm actually learning to program it as I go. (Well, it's rather basic stuff. XD; It won't be anything 3D, it's like the normal Japanese Visual Novels, although of course there will be various different routes and other such things to make it lively and hopefully fun. :D)

But still, we can hope it won't take forever to make it. XD; And meanwhile there would be screencaps to snack on while waiting. X3

There are many other fandom little thingies I have that I'd like to complete eventually as well. ^^;
The mascot ones for example. You might remember I released a Kaname little PC mascot and a Zero x Yuuki pairing mascot for sites and signatures, but never got around to finishing the Zero PC mascot or the Kaname x Yuuki pairing one, which were things I'd planned to make as well, originally. Then there's a ton of mini-games and various other animations and thingies I wanted to make and that were left unfinished over the years as time was scarce and new projects popped up.

But eventually, little bit by little bit they will hopefully get done, and so will fanarts and fanfics~! :D (I know I still owed fanarts to some of you btw, and I'll be sending those also. It's another of the things that delayed this post, as I felt bad for being so late with it and so every moment I could find I spent drawing those pics so that I could finally send them. ^^; And now that it's done I could finally post. :D *will post them here too sometime, after their respective owners have seen them.)

We'll get to it over time, as I post stuff whenever I have a moment. :D

I'm so glad to be back to fandom finally, even if I also feel so terribly guilty for the long disappearance and having worried you all. ^^;

I love VK and its fandom far too much to write it off as a "it was fun while it lasted but I'm too busy now so I'll just forget about it" thing. I don't know how often or when I'll be able to post, and there might be other times in which I disappear for bits of time, but I never want to disappear for such a length again if I can help it.
I want to post regularly again (even if it means sleeping less time XD;), I want all our lovely gushing over the hotness of Kaname & Zero (or even better, the glorious hotness of Zero x Kaname yaoi!!! *____* ♥ ♥ ♥), I want all the fun of writing and reading fanfics, seeing people's beautiful fanarts and sharing mine, creating things for the fandom, and so much of all this lovely fandom experience. (^^*)

More than just seeing pics or reading fics, what I missed the most of course is all of you.
You are not just people who read info posts a blog, you are dear friends that I cherish from the bottom of my heart! ♥ ♥ ♥ (Except the people who bash and flame the series and other people. XD;)

I have missed you all more than I could say in words, and I've been so deeply touched to see that so many of you were worried about me. I'm so sorry that my stupid waiting to see if I'd be able to return sooner made me not post a hiatus and caused you to worry. I'm truly, deeply sorry.
Some of your lovely messages have moved me to tears. You are all so lovely, and I missed you all so much. ;__;

Well, except for the bashers and other people who would incite hatred and pairing wars. ^^;
Life is too short and there's way too little free time in it to waste bashing things when you could instead spend that time enjoying the pairings or characters you like.

For a long time, people from both sides (pro-KxY and pro-ZxY) have occasionally flamed me, either side claiming I couldn't be a 'true fan of the pairing' if I didn't exclusively pick only one or the other.
One side would see a post in which I was fangirling one scene and accuse me of betraying the other pairing, and vice-versa, not caring for the fact that I simply fangirl whoever appeared in the chapter or whoever had a fangirlable scene at the moment. In fact, considering how most of my posts were hardcore ZxK yaoi fangirling, it's amazing people would bother looking for non-yaoi content to flame me about. ^^; Sometimes people really into pairing-wars seem to cease to see the objective picture, and that some of us don't care about pairing differences as much as we care about simply enjoying the characters and the various possibilities with them. We may like a pairing or many, but that doesn't make anyone a traitor just because they didn't pick a sinle one instead of fangirling a threesome or several pairings. ^^;

When I first got into VK, I liked KxY initially (hey, it was the first pairing shown in the very beginning, it's not my fault if it was the first to be noticed ^^;) before I discovered ZxK and quickly focused on my complete obsession for Zero & Kaname yaoi... XD; Then some volumes later in the series, I got also into Zero x Yuuki, which was only logical since I'd been shipping the main trio in a threesome all along as well.
So currently (and for quite a long while now, since several volumes ago), I ship ZxK yaoi + the trio in a threesomne and Yuuki with either or the guys, If she gets both it's even better, but I fangirl her with either of them a lot even if it's not a threesome.

But ultimately, much as I may like Yuuki a lot, the one and only pairing for me in VK is Zero x Kaname yaoi.

I'm primarily a yaoi fan, always have been in my other fandoms, which the occasional exception of liking a guyxgirl pairing from time to time, but my fandom enjoyment is mostly yaoi.
So it's really frustrating to have people accusing you of all sorts of ridiculous things when you don't even feel that attracted by the non-yaoi pairings they're accusing you of favoring. ^^;
That was something that got rather frustrating and that saddened me, especially when I already had so little time to enjoy fandom.

Another thing that was so scary was the fact that there are fans into stalking, and who would try to find out personal information and details about my life and address and whatnot. That was extremely creepy especially since I've lived an experience of stalking/harassment in real life and so the last thing I expect is to find people in fandom (the online little haven I come to enjoy my free time) engaging in such activities. ^^;
It was shocking to know how many people had tried to find out or to pass onto others such tidbits of personal info. (I wouldn't know how many in total, but on several occasions I was warned by other people who received such info, or in some cases the people who did it confessed directly, after feeling bad.)
To everyone who tried stalkery things, I can tell only two things: 1) I realize that most of you didn't do it with bad intentions, but it is still a breach of privacy, so please consider the person's feelings ^^; and 2) ...for a long time now I've used VPN services to protect my privacy and so when you try to track me down via my website or IP etc., you are actually only getting to whatever address(es) the company doing the privacy protection uses. XD; So it's wasted time for stalking purposes...

Well, back to a more pleasant subject, luckily such things were really an exception, and not in any way the rule of fandom. I can say without hesitation that the vast majority of people I've met in the VK fandom of all countries, are lovely fans and kind people. :D♥

I believe that people who waste time and ruin other's enjoyment with bashing/flaming/pairing wars/hatred/stalking etc. are often younger fans who do it because they don't have yet as much experience in life and don't notice that their acts can be so heavy and unpleasant to others, and even to themselves.
From what I have seen in various fandoms over the years, it seems that as people grow more they mellow out and realize that it's best to enjoy life rather than waste what little free time you have by raging at others' favorite pairings and whatnot. :D
So I have hope that maybe as the years pass and our fandom ages, maybe the pairing wars will diminish. XD; (That's if the younger fans getting into it don't rekindle that fire, but well, one can hope! ^^;)

...It seems my tendency to ramble and make long posts didn't die with the near-a-year away. :X *hopes the post won't be too messy, won't have time to check if it's the case, apologizes if it hurts your eyes* ^^;;; Better stop rambling now before the post gets even longer. ^^;

So lastly, I leave you with a couple of lovely things that will hopefully entertain you until the next update.
It's one of those little fangirlable gems that don't usually make their way out of Japan, and which I was mentioning earlier.
I scanned the thumbs for the images Hino-sensei drew for cards to be given as prizes for people winning draws in LaLa magazine (those are extremely rare and cost loads of money if you ever get the chance to put your hands on one, so usually the image is never seen again if you haven't saved a thumbnail when the contest happened or something like that. ^^; )

The 2011 New Year trio card ♥ :

And the recent Summer card with the trio dressed for a Japanese summer festival! :D

:D Enjoy~!♥

And hopefully see you soon, although I don't know for sure when exactly, but hopefully sometime this month~! X3 *has SO MUCH lovely things to catch up on also, reading fics and taking a look around to see what she missed*

PS.: The lovely Blackened Wing (the most amazing fic writer in the fandom!<3) has started an AWESOME VK fansite, in which you can share your creations (your fanarts, fanfics etc., but also a variety of things like your own doujinshi if you drew any, and AMVs and games etc!), so I absolutely must pimp the lovely site right away. X3 *was dying to do it ever since she was told about it, wishes she could have done so earlier*

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